Chemo is going to make me bald.
As someone who has always loved and treasured their hair this has taken some getting used to. Lots of tears and lots of pep talks. I know, I know “it’s just hair, Caitlyn”. But it isn’t just hair. It’s part of my identity. It is part of ME. It helps me have the confidence to walk into a restaurant and look the cashier in the eye while I order. It helps me have the confidence to raise my hand in class and ask that question that everyone else is too scared to ask.
A good friend of mine who does hair came to me and offered to cut and color my hair up until it falls out. She said I can go as crazy or tame as I want. Try out mohawks and pink hair dye, try a pixie cut or undercuts. After much self reflection and self assurance ( I talk to my self constantly these days) I agreed. Not to the mohawk but to going blonde. I have never been blonde so I was a little nervous but still excited. The best part: there is very little commitment here. By the end of August I will most likely be bald as a Q-ball.
We decided to make a little party out of it. I rounded up some of my squad, we brought cupcakes and soda(I’m still high on Percocet from surgery [I will talk about that in a different post] so the champagne and wine was off limits) turned on the music and ordered pizza. The day was filled with laughter and so much love. I am beyond blessed to have friends that want to be apart of my life and will sit with me for five hours while I get my hair done. Here are some of the after pictures.
I am still scared about losing my hair but I am also weirdly excited. What other time in my life will I have the opportunity to get to know myself without hair? Without that security blanket. I get to be brand new. Plus, I can be Lord Voldemort for Halloween so…that’s a win in itself right there.