PSA: Cancer is a thing of the past. It is all about coffee creamer now.

I have had something deep and pressing on my mind that I want NEED to share with the world ever since this (see below) product has hit shelves everywhere.

Screen Shot 2018-01-31 at 6.16.57 PM

(It has even been referenced as the “flagship dairy free coffee creamer”. Whatever that means. LOL.)

That’s right. I’ve been thinking about coffee creamer. And here is why. People are always willing to pay incredible amounts of money for the foods they believe and are told are “healthier than thou”. Think about it. Coconut oil is used for everything from make-up remover to butter like it is some trans fat free magic potion. I do not go a single day without seeing some girl’s matcha drink posted on Instagram. Regular yogurt is a thing of the past and instead of paying $0.75 for a Yoplait we pay $3.65 for Fage Greek yogurt.

Which brings me back to coffee creamer. We have been told that milk will ruin your life if you consume it. All of your health issues will heal themselves, your debt will be washed away and world peace is accomplishable if you JUST STOP CONSUMING DAIRY. Right? A small carton of the above mentioned coffee creamer goes for around four bucks or so at Publix. Publix carries exactly ONE flavor, so I hope all of you lactose fearing people out there enjoy the taste of French Vanilla- OR SO YOU THOUGHT.  *cue the mysterious SVU music*

Well, I am about to rock your world. A 32 oz jug of Coffee-mate or International Delight goes for anywhere between $3.30 and $4.50 depending on where you shop or if there is a sale going on. Look what information is just so conveniently displayed.

You read that right. Lactose free. Why do you think it lasts so long in your refrigerator? This stuff is not milk! Sure, it is pumped full of preservatives and chemicals so if that is something you worry about STAY AWAY. (Also stay away from the grocery store in general.) BUT NO LACTOSE.

 

Moral of the story, marketing is a powerful thing. 

 

*This was meant to be funny not informative. You should never believe a word I say- I am not a doctor nor a scientist.

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